Dare to Grow: 2017

Dare to Grow: 2017
For many years I have come up with a “Word for the Year.” This word isn’t just a New Year’s Resolution that typically is forgotten in a few weeks… It’s a commitment, desire, challenge, end game, goal.

Goal is defined in Merriam-Webster as “(1) the terminal point of a race; (2) the end toward which effort is directed; (3) an area or object toward which players in various games attempt to advance… ” In my case, I use goal in all three ways.

We are at a “terminal point of a race” in our lives — each one of us. We are to live every day as if it’s our last… 1 Corinthians 9: 24-27 says, Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

Our family wants to run in such a way as to get the prize. But note where Paul writes, “But I discipline my body…” In order to grow or make it to the terminal point, end or goal, we must be disciplined…

The goal has to be in place before you can start running. What is YOUR goal? To what end are you going to pursue this coming year?

Word of the Year is something that I desire the Lord to teach me or challenge me in my walk with Him. Once the word is chosen, God leads me down a path FULL of lessons. Let me warn you though… with any word you choose, comes commitment and sacrifices that you must make. For example, in 2015, my word was “First.” I wanted God to be first and remove the idols in my life… that was a VERY difficult year. God literally broke me and drastically changed my life that year, and I am forever thankful. With any word chosen, much will be required. (More on my story about 2015, click here)

This year we are doing the word as a family. We have all talked about the journey God has taken us over the past few years, and we all feel that our word is GROW.

We sat down and divided our goals into 10 Areas We Desire to GROW as we seek the Lord together in 2017:  (Click the links for great resources).

1. GROW in FAITH – Family devotionals; Time alone in God’s Word; Scripture Memory (There’s an App For That!); Grow in our knowledge, understanding and application of God’s Word; Live out and stand for the Truth of God’s Word; Grow in our boldness to share Christ wherever we go. (2 Corinthians 5:6-10; Proverbs 3:5-6)

2. GROW as a FAMILY – Do more family things together; Run and exercise together; Go to the park; Go swimming together (mom can’t just lay out the whole time); Play board games; Roast marshmallows; Do things together that will make memories. (Ephesians 6:1-4; Exodus 20:12; Proverbs 22:6; Psalms 127:3; Matthew 15:4; Proverbs 15:20; Proverbs 1:8; Colossians 3:20)

3. GROW in LOVE – To sacrificially and unconditionally love each other countless times more than we do today. (1 Corinthians 13; Luke 6:31; Ephesians 4:2; 1 Peter 4:8; 1 John 4:7-8; Ephesians 5:33; Matthew 22:37-39)

4. GROW in Stewardship with TIME – Put the phones and screens away- even mom and dad; Before committing to something, we pray and discuss it first; Not give in to daily distractions – STAY FOCUSED on current tasks at hand; Serve others together as a family; Plan our time better and communicate schedules/expectations to each other BEFORE it’s “go” time. (Joshua 24:15; Proverbs 27:1; James 4: 13-14; John 16:13; Great Book: The Rest of God by Mark Buchanan)

5. GROW in our Stewardship with FINANCES – Be disciplined to stick to the budget; Say no to incidentals (especially mom at Target), work together as a family to pay off debt/car, Save more; Give more. (Proverbs 15:27; Proverbs 31:15-17; Proverbs 21:5; Proverbs 6:6-8; Proverbs 16:9;

6. GROW in GIVING — We want to be conduits – may we be trustworthy vessels to sacrificially give to Kingdom work. May we give of our time as well. May we not allow our own devices to cripple us and distract us from the joy of giving and sharing God’s love and gifts to others. (2 Corinthians 9:6-10)

7. GROW in HEALTH – Wake up and work out; Eat foods that are good for our body; SLEEP; Daily strive and train our bodies so that we are able to do every good work. (Hebrews 13:20-21); Great Book: Every Body Matters by Gary Thomas)

8. GROW in FRIENDSHIPS with others – Get to know others even though it’s hard and sometimes scary; Share Jesus with new people and be a friend to them. (Verses about Friendships)

9. GROW in BOLDNESS to SHARE CHRIST – May we be willing to sacrifice our time, comfort and schedule to share Christ whenever and wherever we go. (I use the Share Your Faith App — great resource and you can use different languages)

10. GROW in THANKFULNESS – Above all, may we be thankful in ALL things – whether difficult or exciting… May we be thankful to our Father in Heaven for all he has done, is doing, and is going to do this coming year. (Bible Verses about Thankfulness)

In reading all of these, they seem do-able. Easy. No brainers. Some of these we already strive to do… but remember earlier when I gave you the definition of goal? The last definition I listed stated “an area or object toward which players in various games attempt to advance… ”

Our end goal as a family is not just a physical goal, it’s a spiritual one. I pray that by this time next year, our goal will be seen through the fruit that comes from the hard work and discipline we grow in throughout the year. We will have testing and hard times. Growing is HARD. It hurts. Growing may not always result in the way we expect things to be; but the Bible says in Jeremiah 29:11-13, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”  As we grow and the Lord stretches us beyond our own understanding, we will be better equipped and far more useful for Christ…And that is our goal.

It is our prayer that you, our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, will dare to GROW in Christ this year. Please pray for us and all believers, that we will continually grow and pursue Christ daily.

Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses. 1 Timothy 6:12

  • What areas in your life do you need to grow?
  • What goals do you need to set for yourself?
  • Are your priorities in line with scripture? (Bible Verses about Priorities)
  • Are you willing to sacrifice your desires as you pursue Christ’s desires?
  • Do you have what it takes to GROW this next year?

Porn vs. Our 13 year-old

How would you respond if your 13 year-old son came home from the Christian school he was attending, and in tears confessed, “Mom, during lunch the boys look at porn on their iPads and they showed me.”

Porn. An enticing fire that burns with curiosity and embeds itself into the mind upon sight. It’s never forgotten, but leaves a spark that quickly roars with fury into a destructive fire, defeating, decaying, altering, poisoning and crippling it’s victim.

I read blogs and articles all the time of people saying the solution is to not give your child a smart phone. The reality is, your child WILL see porn at some point in their life — whether you give them a phone or not.  We live in a cell phone, technology world where pornography is accessible at the touch of a finger. We can go to great lengths to protect them from it — and by all means, YES do! But we, as parents are called to also train them on how to handle it when and before they are introduced.

Pornography is part of my husband’s story. Because he knows our son WILL face it, he has openly talked about it with our son for the past several years. He has told him how destructive it can be. Our church is also very open about discussing it. We have created an environment in our home where it’s okay to confess. We welcome it. How? By telling our kids when we mess up and asking them for forgiveness.

We don’t have a perfect family and we don’t expect our kids to be perfect. They have seen us with our sin struggles and we confess, ask forgiveness — But, our job is to prepare and warn them of things in this world.

When our son was a toddler, I used to warn him, “No, no! That’s hot! Don’t touch!” But he didn’t understand what hot meant until he actually touched something hot and it burned him. It only took once for him to make that mistake.

Pornography is the same.

When he came home from school and confessed what was happening, we asked him questions. We prayed through how to proceed with this problem. Did we need to leave him there in the “lion’s den” to learn how to stand strong and be a light for Christ? Or did we need to pull him out?

My husband went to the school and spoke with the principal. We found out that pornography is a very big problem. The students use iPads for class, the school had firewalls and all the protection they could offer… But the students found ways around it.

The kids at school did very mean things to our son since he was taking a stand. Our son had enough of the bullying and told us that he was still not ready or equipped to stand strong in his faith in that kind of environment. He said if we kept him there, then he would eventually give in.

We sought the Lord. We took a leap of faith. I stopped working. We felt the Lord leading us to homeschool, not as an escape, but as a home training ground for him to grow confident in who he is and who God is.

We started attending a discipling program at our church called Equip Disciple. Our home-base bootcamp began.  #KidsStandStronginFaith

We know our children will struggle. The Bible says in John 16:33, “in this world you will have trouble…” The Bible also says that, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.” (1 Peter 5:8-9)

Proverbs 22:6 says we are to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

We want our kids to know how to fight, stand, be strong in who Christ is — and who we are in Christ. Every day brings new struggles, and every day brings new successes. We are to daily pursue Christ and train harder than we did the day before. As a family, we are building endurance and perseverance through Christ, so that when temptation strikes, by God’s grace we will be ready. There will be days we lose battles, and just as it says in John 16:33, “but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

How do we help cultivate our kid’s hearts so that they will desire to stand against the “sin that so easily entangles us?”

  1. CONFESS: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9  I constantly pray that the Holy Spirit will convict us of sin and bring us to repentance. Even as parents, we openly confess sin to our kids. We want to create an environment that instills in our children that we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. (Romans 3:23)

2. CULTIVATE the MIND: As Eric and I were writing this, we asked our son what is helping him most? He said scripture memory and taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). That’s exactly what scripture says in Psalms 119:9-16:

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word.
I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you…

We daily face a choice… To give in or run away from temptation. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says, “ For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.”  I pray that we all will choose to run to Christ… to seek Jesus with all our heart. (Matthew 6:33)

3. PRAYER: It is our prayer that our kids and family will not be defeated by sin, but each must make that choice individually. We can’t choose or control circumstances, we can only seek the Lord with all our heart, provide the tools and training needed to fight, and then cover all of our family in prayer.

4. ACCOUNTBILITY: Ask questions. Jonathan Pokluda wrote something that has really helped us. It’s in a post called How to Overcome a Pornography Addiction. It has GREAT questions to ask when struggling with porn.

After our son answered the questions from JP’s post, we asked him what avenues he needs us to remove and what checks and balances he needs us to instill. For him, he asked us to remove internet from his phone. We also have rules where devices are only allowed in our living room and kitchen — so that everyone can see the screen. No social media. Disabled AirDrop. No texting after a certain time. No deleting the history on our home computer. (there are consequences if the history has been cleared). We have NetNanny on all our devices…etc.

We encourage our kids to share their struggles with their community group. My husband and I check in with them and ask how their thoughts are.  We ask our son if he is looking at porn. We let them know they are not alone in their struggles. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says, “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”

We know the struggle of sin is a lifelong battle. We know our son is going to mess up… This is only the beginning. We pray that we will steward our children well by teaching them how to STAND. (<- You seriously need to read that link).

Message to the wives: If you are married and your son is dealing with a porn struggle, then it is my firm belief that the husbands need to be the main person helping your son. Your place is to support your husband and your son. Yes, deal with this together, but don’t take it upon yourself to undermine or control the situation. (This coming from a control-freak mom). When dealing with pornography and boys, this is the husbands place first. You are to support and pray and walk with them. I believe we can actually hinder a father/son relationship if we get in the way. Moms talk with the girls. Dads with the boys.

Message to the single mom: First off, I want you to know I pray for you daily. I have walked beside so many moms raising children alone. Pornography is so hard to deal with alone. I pray that these tools will help you if this is a something you are having to go through. You’re not alone. I strongly encourage you to find a community of believers that can walk this road with you as you train up your child. May this post be useful and encouraging for you.

Helpful Links:

 

The Empty Swing

When I was little, my sister went to be with Jesus after a tragic car accident. She was six years old…

The Empty Swing
You’re not here now.
Where did you go?
Your swing is now empty and I’m here alone.
They say you’re in heaven, but why did you leave?
Can’t you come back? Let’s sit and read.
Not sure why you left, but hurry back soon.
Things aren’t the same and I miss you.

It’s been a few years now.
You’re not coming back.
Mom says you’re with Jesus — having a blast.
I sit in your swing… I like it best.
I pretend we talk, but now you’re a guest.
I ask, “How is heaven? What is it like?
How can I get there, so we can play all night!”
Mom and Dad say, I shouldn’t ask God “Why?,”
But I sill wonder, since I’m left behind.
‘Trust in the Lord” is something they say,
I think I’m learning more day by day…

You’ve been gone for a while now.
God’s taught me a lot
Of His faithfulness, love, and understanding how–
He died on the cross, my sins are no more.
He died for me, through His grace I’m adored.
I’m glad I knew you briefly back then.
God used your death to draw me to Him.
Our swing, now rusted and thrown away,
Will carry memories of you, forever to stay.

Thank you, Lord, for my sister — my friend.
Her death was a beginning, not the end.
I wouldn’t be who I am today,
You used her death to draw me Your way.
Though her swing is now empty and she’s not here
Through the storms, Your hand is evident and clear.

An empty swing floats in parks I pass by
It echoes reminders of God’s love, and here’s why.
The swing is a symbol… It moves back and forth,
It clutches the sunlight and drips when it pours,
It moves gently in breeze, and quickly with force,
Yet doesn’t waiver from it’s pendulum-like coarse.

The swing is held by chains and a bar;
Though freedom it gives, the guest doesn’t go far.
The swing is like me, and I’m held by the King.
He sees, hears and knows the pain that I bring.
He moves ever with me and never lets go.
His love so great, I’ll never fully know.

God never waivers through terrible loss
Though pain is the outcome, seek the cross.
The answers of why, what or how
Can only be answered by God when we bow.

My sister had her time in the swing,
now she doesn’t need it… she’s with the King.

~ Catherine Couch

When I was little, my sister went to be with Jesus after a tragic car accident. She was six years old. God used the wake of her death to impact countless lives. Mine included. But grieving isn’t something kids really know how to do. Plus, grief comes in waves that can later surface in other outward forms. For me, I battled depression, anxiety, an eating disorder…  Grief is a process that takes time, grace and a whole lot of Jesus.

Maybe someone reading this needs hope — especially during this holiday season. Maybe you know of a child who is grieving, but you don’t know how to help. I have met so many young people who are labeled as being “emotionally unstable.” But what if that person is grieving and they don’t fully understand or know what they are experiencing…

Joyce Meyer wrote a great article called “Overcoming Grief and Loneliness.” She states, “When tragedy occurs and the hurt seems unbearable, Satan sees an opportunity to try to bring a family or an individual into permanent bondage.”  (I’d like to encourage you to check out that article).

Grief is clothed in many outfits… At the end of the day, people need help learning how to clothe themselves in righteousness through Jesus Christ. Jesus heals. HE is our HOPE. He knows the grief we are clothed in, and only Christ can help us live outside the feelings, if we seek Him and the Truth of God’s Word.

This post is for a child or someone you know who has lost a sibling or parent. There are many avenues that offer help to grieving adults, but I want to introduce to you a ministry that I wish I had when I was little.

The ministry is called Shift. It is offered in conjunction with GriefShare – a ministry for the adults. A snippet of the Shift website states, “When the “shifts” of life occur, the aftermath is unpredictable and rarely stable. Our hope for kids dealing with the loss of a loved one is that as they process the shift they’ve undergone, they’ll be equipped with the tools they need to build a solid foundation of faith and hope.”

I pray that today and this coming year will be the beginning of God healing and restoring you, your family and friends.

Verses that have comforted me:

HELPFUL LINKS:
SHIFT
GRIEF SHARE

Fact: You Can Find God.

Today you are going to hear from my husband, Eric Couch. He is sharing something God continually reminds us…Fact: You can find God.  Hope in the storm.

In the midst of the storm… or steeped in silence …
there is hope.

FACT: We can find God. We. CAN. Find. God.

In the midst of life, chaos engulfs us and we are blinded by our own selfish ambitions, cares and worries. We’ve completely lost sight of what really matters and finally realize it when hurt, tragedy or difficulty strikes. We need God. We can find God.

Ever felt like a little kid lost in a store, panicked and scared and not sure what happened to our parent? It’s overwhelming to feel lost. Yet, often times our parents could see us the entire time and knew exactly where we were and how to find us. However, that doesn’t help the panic stricken child who feels lost and abandoned. Anxiety, worry, fear consume us rather than calling out to the One who sees us, knows us, hears us and is with us… even when we think we are alone.

Our Heavenly Father always knows how to find us. He never loses sight of us.

Psalms 139:7-12 says,
Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.  

He always is there and knows exactly where I am because he has me resting in the palm of His hands. HOWEVER, in the midst of the storm it feels like a different story and not so easy for us to be peaceful and stay focused on the Captain.

I know God can find me, but can I find God?

That’s a question many of us have had at one time or another. That was my question for a long time.

That’s why I find rest in knowing that I can find God. He promises us in Jeremiah 29:12-14 that He WILL be FOUND if I will seek Him with all of my heart.

Now, that seeking Him with all my heart thing can be an overwhelming task due to all the things pulling for my time and attention. Regardless, the fact is that the only way to seek Him with ALL my heart is to focus my whole being on Him and let everything else fall to the wayside… 

The good news for us perfectionistic control freaks is that He’s much better at keeping all the balls in the air any way; at least the ones He wants me to juggle. However, if I will do that one thing, then I can and WILL find Him.

SEEK. HIM.

My job is to run the race He marked out before me and to “run in such a way as to win the prize.” He is the prize and my focus is to be on Him and Him alone. Just in case we didn’t catch on, in Jeremiah 29 about finding him, He says it twice! “You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart. I WILL be found by you”, declares the Lord.”

If you are surrounded by chaos, tragedy, sickness, unrest… Seek Jesus. He’s waiting for you.

Now that gives me peace.

Love you my friends,
– Eric

CHECK THESE TRUTHS OUT:

Thy Will Be Done

Thy Will Be Done
The first woman that taught me the meaning of those words was a woman who babysat me when I was a child. I can remember so vividly…  My sister had been killed in a car accident a few years before and this babysitter was a seminary student who planted a healing seed in my life when she taught me these little words:

“The Lord has a will and I have a need
To follow that will and humbly be still
To rest in it, nest in it, fully be blessed in it
following my Father’s will.”
(Sung by Amy Grant: Songwriters: Hudson, Barbara/Hudson, Michael Vincent)

I sat in the swing in the backyard of our house. She would push me in the swing and would sing those words to me over and over as I went back and forth… “The Lord has a Will…and I have a need… to follow that will…” When she was finished pushing me, she would end our swinging time by cheerfully saying, “Thank you, God for this beautiful day! Thy kingdom come, thy will be done! Amen!”

She was lovingly teaching me that even with the tragic death of my sister the Lord has a will. She prayed with me one night and I remember asking her what that song meant. She told me it was about trusting God more than “the hurts.” It’s the equivalent to saying, “Lord, I trust you NO MATTER WHAT.”

She’s right. God’s will may hurt. But do I trust Him even if it hurts?

Was it God’s will for my sister to be killed? Yes.
Do I trust Him? Yes. He is God and I am not… so I choose to trust.
Is it hard to trust Him? YES.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us:
‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’

THY. WILL. BE. DONE.

I can’t control or change anything, but I serve a God who has a will for me. He sees me. He knows me. He hears me.

Even though it’s been years since my babysitter sat me down in that swing and sang to me, those words ring true and minister to my heart and mind daily. I’ve struggled and gone through phases where trusting God with my circumstances seemed impossible. I’m here to tell you this:

He sees you. He knows you. He hears you. He is for you. He will not abandon you. He cares for you. He will never leave you or forsake you.

Do you trust God enough to say those words? “Thy will be done.”
Is God stretching you and wanting you to trust Him even if it hurts?

SCRIPTURES TO CHECK OUT:

This is my jam of the week. Listen and be blessed:

Here’s the old Amy Grant song that my babysitter sang to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhVkccKRyc8

 

 

Don’t show up naked!

This morning I woke up and asked my husband this simple question…

What are you wearing?

I wasn’t asking him because I disapproved of his attire. I wasn’t concerned with HOW he looked… I wanted to know how his heart and mind were clothed. Who’s strength did he clothe himself in. And I ask myself the same question…

You see, it’s so easy to wake up and rush to the gym, hit the shower, quickly skim through a morning Bible “perk” and rush out the door to work… But what happens if I leave the house yet forget my glasses? …I am not able to function without my glasses!  I’m not wearing the “tools” I need in order to make it through the day… Kinda like showing up naked! Isn’t that similar to spiritually getting dressed every day? Are we putting on our “glasses” so that we can fully function at the level God has enabled us?

Don’t fall into a ritualistic pattern of “healthy habits,” to check off your “Bible-time-box,”  yet completely miss out on quality time in God’s Word by completely covering yourself with HIS armor.

Ephesians 6:10-18

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

Currently, I work in the corporate world. I have the opportunity every day to be a light for Christ. But I also have the opportunity to be hit with every flaming dart imaginable… We, as believers, are under attack every minute of every day — whether we realize it or not. We must take every thought captive and hold it to Truth. We must question our motives. Stress, failure, praise, acclamation, and everything in-between may be entwined in our day. The question is, did I remember to get dressed in HIS righteousness? Am I taking the Truth and Strength of Christ into that conference room? Or am I clothed in my own strength?

  • Truth
  • Righteousness
  • Peace
  • Faith
  • Salvation
  • Word of God
  • Prayer

What does “salvation” mean?

Vernon, my precious father-in-law, walked into the kitchen as I was making lunch today and asked me, “What does salvation mean?”

I love that he asks me questions like this…
In January of 2015, Vernon was placed in our care. He was was struggling with dementia, but that only led him down a road of feeling lost, suicidal, without purpose or will to continue, and unloved. His regrets replayed over and over in his mind. He was angry, confused, without purpose. But his story doesn’t end there. God brought him here to our home, and that’s where the beginning of this salvation story begins.

I met Vernon in 1997, so I haven’t known him his entire life. But he has shared many parts of his upbringing.  Vernon grew up knowing about God. His mom sang in the church choir and served in several capacities at their local church. But football was Vernon’s claim to fame and his identity in his younger years. He went to church only because that’s where all the “pretty little ladies” went. Once football was out of the picture, he settled down and was married and started a family. They had a daughter named Debbie. Sadly, that marriage didn’t work out and Vernon soon married again. In his second marriage, he had 3 step-children and Eric was born.

Eric says that his memories of his dad were that he was tough, strong, loving, but also that he had a temper. Eric said that his dad literally beat down doors and punched out windows in their house. He also punished Eric once as an 8 year old child by locking him in his room for a week and removing every item other than the bed. But he also remembers his dad teaching him to pray before bed. It was those prayers that helped Eric make it through the hard days. And it was prayer that planted a seed for Eric to seek Christ in his teenage years.

Vernon shared with me in January of 2015 that he replayed the fits of rage, and every uncontrollable angry moment. He said that he did things God could never forgive him for… terrible things. And all he wanted to do was die. When I went to his condo to clean out and move everything to Dallas, I found post-its with list upon list of his regrets and failures. I found cards people sent him and cards that he started to write…

You learn so much about a person when you clean out their home. When I returned to Dallas, I had a deeper understanding of what Vernon was dealing with. But I also had Eric who was the one that had received the hurt and anger from the very man he took in to his home and was now responsible to care for.

God had a plan. And His plan was hard. And His plan forced Eric to face the buried hurt and pinned up anger he had carried for many many years. But God also put people in our path that walked the tough parts with us… Several men at our church have poured into Eric and Vernon. Vernon seems kinda nutty to some people and he doesn’t always know what’s going on… But he is no longer crippled by sin and regret. He know’s he is forgiven and loved by God, loved by us and loved by his friends in community.

Oh I wish you had time to hear the countless struggles, tears, and triumphs we have faced as God redeemed and restored the relationship of these two men. It has been hard. And stuff still comes up — it’s like onions (for those of you who know Shrek, then you know what I’m referring to).

I’ve had the opportunity to watch this man be transformed and see my husband’s relationship with his dad restored as well. God is in the business of restoration and healing through salvation.

Vernon asks me questions about Christ, Scripture — you name it we talk about it, and then we talk about it again because his memory doesn’t always hold on to details… But today’s question sparked this post.

“What is salvation?” Vernon asked.

I smiled and asked, “Has the debt of your sin been paid for?”
Vernon said, “Yes! By Jesus on the cross!”

Then I asked him, “Do you believe what Romans 6:23 says, ‘The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord?'”
He again replied with an enthusiastic, “Yes!”

“That’s salvation. Do you believe that what Jesus did for you on the cross saved you from death?”

He smiled and said, “So salvation means saved from sin and hell. That makes so much more sense!”

Vernon may not remember details all the time, but he remembers that God loves him and God forgives him. Vernon shares Christ with everyone who will listen. He will go to the mall and gas stations just to pass out cards to invite people to church. He also talks to the homeless and anyone else who will stay still long enough to tell them about church and Jesus.  I have loved seeing the transformation in him and Eric — all because of Salvation through Jesus Christ.

vernon-being-baptized

Thank you, Jesus for all you are doing! Praise be to You forever and ever, Amen.

Vernon exercises his mind every day through scripture memory. He will get so frustrated with himself because he cannot remember a verse that he has reviewed out loud for hours on end… but what I find so cool is that he talks in his sleep, and those verses come pouring out of his mouth perfectly when he is at perfect rest.  (Isaiah 26:3)

ONE YEAR AGO… May 4th, 2015. The day I broke. (The Novel Edition)

Cat&Holl7B&W

This is IT! It’s here… It has officially been one year since my horse accident which resulted in a broken back, but more importantly it was just the beginning of ME being crushed in every way.

HAAAY

 

I woke up early,  picked up 40 bails of hay from the supplier and set off for the barn in Wylie to unload. It was a sunny day.

CatherineRideHolly

 

 

Unloaded the hay, brushed and cleaned the horses. And decided to use an old saddle and take Holly for a ride… when she started bucking, I could tell something wasn’t right…

 

It happened so quick, but in slow-motion… I leaned and grabbed the top rail of the fence and pulled myself off as the horse was jumping and bucking along the side. In my mind when I was planning the escape route, but that didn’t really work out. My arm and my ribs hit the fence, and then my butt hit the ground. I immediately hopped up and was ticked off. I ran over to the horse, but as soon as I took my first step towards the horse I could tell I was hurt, but I didn’t say anything.

I later discovered that the girth strap that went underneath the horse had snapped and was broken — which is why I could tell something was wrCatherineStrongong when she bucked.

My body was in shock and I didn’t stop. I kept moving and doing.

I finished cleaning the horse stables and putting new wood chips on the floors. THEN loaded up and started driving back to Sunnyvale to return the trailer.

Driving was hard. Pushing the break was almost impossible. Moving my arms was even harder. I was in such an incredible amount of pain that I couldn’t even talk about it. I knew I had a few broken ribs and I couldn’t wait to get home. When I arrived in Sunnyvale I couldn’t think straight, but I knew I had to back the trailer in to where it was stored. For those of you who have never driven a trailer, you have to move your arms and use the brake a lot when backing in… I called my sister who lived nearby and asked her to come and help. We got the trailer parked and I drove home.

Once home, I didn’t stop… I decided to clean because I knew the next day I wouldn’t be able to move… so I swept the kitchen floor, mopped, made dinner… and never sat down so that hopefully I would not feel how much pain I was in. (Such an example of how I live and never stop, so that I don’t feel the pain I’m in…)

I never called Eric about the accident that had occurred earlier in the day. He found out when he came home.  The emotions from the day finally hit me and all I could do was cry in his arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE EFFECT

Wow. I still just can’t put into words how awesome God has been through this past year. I have tasted and experience what my life is be like when if I chose to live in my own strength rather than Christ.

I went from marathon runner, triathlete-training-super-mom,  full time care-giver to my father-in-law who was suicidal and struggled with dementia, servant-minded-person, worship leader, business-owner-career-girl, happy family that has it all together… To being told by the back surgeon that I may never run again… The blinders were lifted and I saw my life for what it really was…My marriage was falling apart, my kids falling apart due to a broken home,  my company falling apart, my identity as a singer/worship leader not a reality… The darkness was brought to light in an instant. God crushed the blinders I was viewing life through.

Now I have experienced life in a wheelchair and a walker, to not be able to hold up a folder of music or a microphone, to be in constant pain, to have my legs on fire due to nerve damage… I could go on, but that’s only the physical inconvenience of my injury. God broke me far more that my mere bones.

 “It was good for me to be afflicted
    so that I might learn your decrees.” Psalms 119:71

You see, I had been living out of my own strength, serving out of my own strength, and thus placing idol upon idol in front of Christ. My thought life corrupted me. I believed the lie that my value and worth came from what I did and what others thought of me, rather than Christ.  I served to get credit — to win approval from people in authority… many of us do this. When doing this, we are making those people an idol because we want to please them first rather than our Savior and Creator. This struggle is something that I am ashamed to admit and truly have to be BROKEN from — daily.

I’ve grown up in church. I prayed and accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord at the age of eight. Due to the of the death of my six-year old sister, I grew up in a home that CLUNG to Jesus and pointed me to Him in all things. I’ve had an awesome, loving family that all live for Christ. (Me and my family have also had a very trying time over the past few years, but that’s a testimony for another day). I’ve served in church constantly my entire life. I’ve led worship, been on life-changing mission trips, led bible school, kids choir, chapel, helped with weddings, events and so much more, but at some point in my journey I let a little lie settle in my mind… the lie that if I do things right, serve enough, then I will win the approval of people – and all that “serving and doing” grew to form my identity. That identity became an idol in my life.

To be completely honest right now, I’m scared to admit the following testimony of my life because I now battle with the lie that if I confess this publicly, then that will end my opportunity to serve in the church from now on — to sing, to share, to serve and point other to Christ.

When my back broke I decided that I wanted to be tough, have it all together, appear as though I’m strong in my faith, not need anyone or anything — even though physically I shouldn’t have even been walking, I continued trying to function as normal. I kept telling myself, “You are strong. You can do this.” But I was constantly being defeated, with every step I took.

You see, I’m a fighter. I hate weakness. To me weakness meant not being able to take care of things that need to be done. Weakness meant being needy. Weakness meant not being able to take care of myself. Weakness was admitting I needed help. Weakness was not being in control.

I broke my back, 2 ribs, tore my sciatic nerve, had a bulging disc, injured my arm and shoulder very badly…. But I wasn’t willing to admit my body was broken… I thought to myself, “The accident happened so fast and didn’t seem to be that bad… so why am I still hurting and why is it getting worse?”

FOR ONE MONTH I tried to continue and tell myself to shake it off. It took one month for me to go to the hospital and get an x-ray and be told how broken I was. I didn’t listen to the screaming pain. I pushed through it.

That’s not tough. That’s stupid.

When I found out how broken my body really was, that’s when God spoke to my heart and said, “This is a physical example of your spiritual walk with me.” … But still I didn’t want to completely believe Him.

I was walking, serving and doing and it’s all been out of my own strength! I wanted to look good to others. I was spiritually BLEEDING. The wounds that I was walking and serving in were crippling me — not helping me or anyone else. And my PRIDE and my own “toughness” blinded me from seeing Truth.

The weeks that followed are a blur… Eric and I went with our church choir to New York City and sang in Carnegie Hall and with Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. I didn’t do pain killers or anything during that trip so that I could be somewhat myself. –Again, I didn’t want to look “broken.” I had to appear that I had it all together… The first evening, I slipped down stairs while we were in New York that resulted in me having to break down and be in a wheel chair for the remainder of the trip. I was humiliated because I was in front of my peers and was weak and needy… I tried so hard to seek the Lord during that time, but my own selfishness and pride continued to blind my relationship and worship of Christ. God still had more work to do on me and I didn’t want to deal with it or face it…

As my physical and emotional pain increased, I pulled away from most people. I turned to alcohol, pain killers or anything I could get my hands on to numb the pain.

In addition to the physical pain I was living in, Eric and I were fighting. Truth be known, we’d been having trouble in our marriage for a while, but I was never willing to outwardly admit how desperatly in trouble our marriage really was. We were so busy running a company, singing and rehearsing, taking care of his dad, our kids and everyone else that we lost touch with each other. We fought over finances, our company, the horse, his dad, the kids, his needs, my needs — you name it, we fought over it. We didn’t know how to handle the conflict that had overtaken our world. But when we had an audience, we looked like we were a happy couple.

Eric and I both turned to other people to meet the emotional need we were not finding in each other which resulted in an emotional affairs. However, neither of us were willing to admit or confess at that time that we were emotionally dependent on someone else. The fighting and arguing continued and one night, after being accused of having an affair I left Eric. I told him, “I can’t live like THIS any more.”

I packed up the kids and we went to my parents house.

Eric stayed at our home with his dad (who lives lives with us and witnessed the entire meltdown).

After the kids and I were out the door, Eric’s dad turned to him and said, “There’s always more fish in the sea, son.” Disgusted with the advice Eric’s dad gave him, Eric went to our room, sat on the bed and cried. He had hit rock bottom. He questioned his life, why he was alive, thought that everyone would be better if he was dead — and then he pulled out his gun. He put his gun in his mouth and contemplated pulling the trigger. He reached out to one of his best friends for help, but before his friend arrived at our house, my dad called Eric on his cell phone. My dad asked Eric to come over to their house.

When Eric arrived, my parents sat us down at the dining room table. We were both broken. We didn’t know how to fix the mess we were in. There were no words that could be said to fix the situation at that moment.

My dad started praying.

Prayer is the best thing to do when there are no words that can be said… when you have hit rock bottom and continued to dig an even bigger hole down… In that moment prayer and hope were what Eric and I needed.

My parents couldn’t fix our situation. Only God could. My dad reached out to a friend, Dewey Wilson for help. We scheduled a time to meet with him and then we all departed our ways for the night.

The following day, I went to our office. I worked. I didn’t want the office to know what was going on and I didn’t want Eric to give up on the company we built.

When Eric saw me walk into our office he said that it gave him hope. Me coming to work the next day — in his mind — was me saying we aren’t over.

I stayed at my parents house for about 3 or 4 nights and then we returned home. The hardest part of separating was seeing how damaging it was for our kids… I will write about what they had to endure one day.

We ended our relationships with the people we were leaning on for emotional support. We started meeting with Dewey Wilson of Strong Marriages. We also started attending Re|Engaged at Watermark. We both committed to putting Christ FIRST in our minds and hearts.

Since we were currently on the “injured” list at our church where we sang and served, we decided to check out Watermark on a Sunday mornings. It was so nice to go there and be unknown. The sermon series they had just began was entitled “Head, Heart, Hands.” And the scriptures used in that series were exactly what God was teaching me in my time alone with Him. It was as though the Lord was confirming all He was teaching me in my quiet time.

On one particular Sunday they did the Lord’s Supper. In the past, Eric and I usually have been on the stage serving in the worship time during the Lord’s Supper  — helping create a worshipful environment for people as they reflect and get their hearts right before the Lord, but we never sat and took time for us to do that and therefore missed out on truly taking part… When we went to Watermark, they had a prayer guide of scripture to pray over your Head, Heart and Hands. I was brought to tears when the person leading the service stepped off the stage and joined his family on the floor and started praying. Usually when the speaker steps down, that’s when the lights fade and the intro music to some amazing worship song begins… but no! The only music heard was an auditorium filled with people praying and seeking God. The praise band on the stage sat off to the side in a circle and they were praying together.

This was so foreign to me. Yes, I realize how pathetic I probably sound! But I’ve never been somewhere that did the Lord’s Supper like that. Eric and I scooted into a circle with a few other people around us and we all shared a little of our story and we prayed over each other and over ourselves. It was at that service that I rededicated my life to Christ. It was also at that service that Eric and I publicly — in front of a couple of strangers in our circle (who ended up being Re|Engaged Leaders, Jeff and Vicky) got our head, heart and hands right with God together and truly wanted redemption in our lives and marriage….  I no longer wanted to live, serve and perform for anyone other than CHRIST-JESUS.  And I didn’t want to have a self-righteous life of worship, but one of selfless, Christ-filled, fully abandoned life, serving to make God known.

We were soon after placed in a closed group in Re|Engaged at Watermark. We experienced community in a way that we’ve never seen. Our leaders, Bobby and Shari shared with us that they had been through it several times before, but were going through the program with us again because they too needed to be challenged and reminded of the lessons taught in Re|Engaged. I had never been led by people that admitted they too were broken. We were able to share openly about our lives, we were able to seek Christ together and have the resources in place to guide us and point us to seeking Christ first. We had accountability. We had encouragement. We didn’t hide our struggles, but we openly faced and talked through what we were working through in our hearts. And during the process of the curriculum, Eric and I were able to forgive each other and be in “healthy soil” for our relationship to grow.

We continued meeting with Dewey Wilson of Strong Marriages as well. He point-blank called us out on being lazy in certain areas of our lives. He challenged us and encouraged us with some of the mechanics of how we run our business together, how we care for Eric’s dad and how we handle life at home. He helped us work through a plan of action in getting through a period of time where we thought that we may have to close to the doors to our company. He encouraged us by telling us that we had all our dominos falling in the wrong direction and we needed to start having them fall in the RIGHT direction.

Recently, Eric and I met with Susan Cox and Ryan Nixon at Watermark and shared our story.  They encouraged us and challenged us in ways we can continue pursuing Christ and each other. They told us that we are still welcome to serve in the church — serve with Re|Engaged, which is something I felt I would never be able to do again out of fear of returning to my flesh patterns. This gave me hope.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4

We literally almost lost everything in the last year… Our marriage, our family, our home, our business… everything that the world considers successful. God stripped us down to nothingness, because without Him we truly have nothing.

Our kids have found community and are seeking to know God in a deeper way. Eric’s dad is not the same man we inherited a year ago. God has changed him. He recently surrendered his life to Christ and was baptized on May 1st. Eric and I are broken and need Christ and are daily seeking Him in order to manage our family and company well.

We are still on this journey. I wish I could tell you that we are all better now and our marriage is perfect, but it’s not. Eric and I still argue. I still battle with my identity in Christ and people-pleasing. I still battle wanting to put other people in front of my family. I still battle putting myself on a pedestal. I desperately need people in my life that will challenge and question my motives in accordance with scripture. I’m so incredibly thankful for community.

I’m still broken — and I never want to think that I’m fixed. I am broken… I am only complete in Christ. I want to cling to my Savior with every fiber of my being. I know it only takes a moment to sink back into my fleshly thought processes. God is so good. And He loves us so much. He uses my physical brokenness to remind me of Him.

 

dreamstime_m_35729437As I press on this journey to know God and make Him known in my life, I claim this verse:

“ If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:11 

 

Resources that might help you:

Strong Marriages: http://www.strongmarriages.com
Re|Engaged: http://marriagehelp.org
Re|Generation: http://www.watermark.org/dallas/ministries/regeneration-recovery

 

Powerless

I’m desperate… numb… broken… Kinda funny how God keeps using my physical circumstances to bring me to His throne of Grace and allow me to apply it to every area of my life…

Pain takes us to a point of desperation. DESPERATION is only a place to start… It is where God thrives because I acknowledge that I am POWERLESS, but HE is POWERFUL.

dreamstime_m_35729437“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

“I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, ‘You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living.’ Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need, rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”
Psalm 142

When I am desperate in life, I’m discovering that I am exactly where God wants me. For when I am desperate, I am completely dependent on Christ.

Failure constantly chases me. Failure to be a good Christ-follower. Failure to be a good wife. Failure to be a good mom. Failure to perform well at my job. Failure to provide for my family’s daily needs from me. Failure to make the right choice moment by moment. Failure to be who I expect myself to be. Failure to be how I perceive others expect me to be. Failure to make my computer work when I want it too… I know you understand what I’m saying.

God is taking me to the deepest parts of myself and literally tearing down strongholds that I didn’t even know were there. It is as though He is tearing me down to my foundation in order to rebuild me and make me stronger. But, I must be honest in saying that the process is hard. I hold on to hope, knowing that all of this is temporary, and I am DESPERATELY clinging to my Savior. The only reason I am this transparent about what God is taking me through is because I feel it is an act of obedience towards Him. Transparency is actually how He has called me to worship Him during this time.

Not sure if any of you have ever been inside an actual tornado, but I often think of the movie Twister when one of the main characters sees that the tornado is coming and they are in the barn surrounded by knives, pitch forks, and all kinds of things that could kill them. And in desperation, attach their hands to a pipe that is deeply rooted into the ground. Now, I realize that is just a movie, but I think it’s a great example to Believers. We are surrounded by things that can destroy us — physically, emotionally, spiritually… and as the tornados of life come and demolish everything that we know, we find ourselves clinging to what will hold us down — for me, that is my faith in Jesus Christ.

I am afraid of the sin patterns that are so easily set as my default settings in life. I don’t want to surrender to the “Sin that so easily entangles me.” (Hebrews 12:1) My thoughts cripple and destroy me to the core. My performance and expectations so easily corrupt my mind, motives and actions.

For God did not give us a spirit of fear,
but of power and love and sound mind.
2 Timothy 1:7

I never realized that in the midst of OUTWARDLY serving and doing and giving that my thoughts and performance-based living were tearing me down, destroying me and having victory.

I have allowed what I THOUGHT other people THINK
of me to RULE and DIRECT my every move.

Some would call this people pleasing. And, yes, I know MANY of you already know I struggle with this. It’s an addiction — a lie that will destroy you. People pleasing is no different that injecting heroine or any other addiction. People pleasing, just like any addiction or sin results in losing your identity, purpose and grit. I have been allowing other people who are sinners just like me to rule and control my identity. (More on this in another post…)

God is revealing to me so much of how I have been deceived. And it’s so easy to get caught up in pleasing others… But God is the true victor.

2 Corinthians 10:1-6 Paul writes,
By the humility and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am “timid” when face to face with you, but “bold” toward you when away!  I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world.  For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

As I stated earlier, I am writing this out of obedience. No confession of sin is easy, but it is necessary.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point
of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
 and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Hebrews 12:4-13

In one of my earlier posts entitled “Broken,” I said;

” I serve a loving God, but somewhere along the way I think that I started giving and serving and doing and missing out on Truth. I’ve been focusing on serving everyone around me, but not serving my God first — allowing Him to be my strength and my purpose. And now as I have been forced to STOP EVERYTHING due to my broken back, I FINALLY was able to see that.”

I have been off-balance. I am so thankful that God loves me enough to show me the patterns I am following that are not in line with Him. I see God’s hand upon me. I feel the healing that is not only taking place for me physically, but also spiritually and in my marriage. I praise God for that.

All this crap I’m going through isn’t in vain! YAY! But I acknowledge that I am powerless, and I serve a POWERFUL God who tears down strongholds that I allowed into my life —  that only cause weakness —  and He rebuilds me in His image, His strength and His “power is made perfect through [my] weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4

Here’s my heart, Lord. Speak what is true. Cause I am found, I am Yours. I am loved. I’m made pure. I have life. I can breath. I am healed. I am free. Cause you are strong. You are sure. You are life. You endure. You are good. Always true. You are light breaking through. You are more than enough. You are here. You are Lord. You are hope. You are grace. You’re all I have. You’re everything. Here’s my heart, Lord.(Words by Jason Ingram)

 

Numb

Numbness is a gift only for a little while, then is followed by uncontrollable pain…

This is something that I have found true in regards to my recovery with my back, leg and nerve injuries. But I think it applies to most of us in life. When we choose to be “numb” or even apathetic in our relationship with Christ, our spouse, significant other, family, or people who have hurt us, then we are not improving the pain — we are PREVENTING HEALING. Lack of feeling is lack of healing. (I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere before… I love things that rhyme!)

This week has been a painful struggle for me with my legs… I FEEL them. When you have nerve damage, sometimes your legs are completely numb. And it’s GREAT when they are numb because you can’t feel the pain as much. But I’ve learned that numbness can feel great since there’s no pain, but what comes after the numb stage is TERRIBLE. You can either have no feeling whatsoever — and pretty much have a “dead leg.” OR nerve regrowth could be taking place which causes extreme pain. For me, the pain is so severe that it feels like my skin is on fire at times followed by deep bone pain. Nothing and no person can fix the pain.

This week God has really been teaching me about my own numbness in certain areas of my life, as well as reminding me of what He promises to do…

Revelation 3:15-17 says,

 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.
I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are
lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—
I am about to spit you out of my mouth.  

I’ve stated before that I am a believer and follower of Christ, but truth be known, I am not always boiling over with “hotness” for Jesus. I get comfortable. Then usually some event happens in life or I get busy, then I’m frustrated that I have so much to do and not enough time to do it… then frustration with my inability to meet my own expectations is easily followed by impatience with others and then anger comes quickly after that…

It’s easy to become numb. But when we become numb we are only decaying — inviting death to have victory. It reminds me of the story in The Bible from Ezekiel 37 about Dry Bones,

The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones.  He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!  This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.  I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

 So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’

Wouldn’t you love to actually SEE those bones grow tendons?! I would honestly freak out if I heard rattling bones and then saw skin and stuff growing… but THAT’S how we are. And that’s what GOD can do!  We are “Dead in our transgressions and sins ” (Ephesians 2:1).

I associate numbness — lack of feeling — with DEATH. But God breathes His breath of life into us and makes us new. Transgressions are sins. Sin leads to death. Death leads to a grave that no man can come out of.

But God, who breathes His Breath of Life into us will “…open up your graves and bring you up from them…” (Ezekiel 37:12)

Ephesians 2:1-10 says,

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us,God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.  And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Part of the healing process is acknowledging the numbness…
Part of the healing process is pushing through the pain and depending Jesus’ Strength.
Part of the healing process is accepting God’s grace.

Whether we have physical, emotional or spiritual numbness… We all need a Savior who can be our strength to the bitter end.

So Believers? If you are numb, it’s time to come out of the shadows and know that the pain is God removing the sin and rebuilding you to be ALIVE in CHRIST.